The Art of Teaching by Example

We unconsciously imitate the significant characters in our lives. The role of mother, father, sister, brother, and so on may be one of the roles you find yourself in right now. Our identities are complex. Words are powerful, but we strongly learn by example.

 Personal example carries a great gift because it allows you to enrich the life of your child by giving him or her what you've worked so hard to achieve. In essence, you carve the path, making it easier for your child to make healthy decisions. 

I previously wrote about teaching empathy and gratitude. Practicing these acts is teaching them to your child. As you think about the upcoming year perhaps you can set a few goals for  a nutritious diet and exercise. Beyond the typical resolutions, let's think about other ways we can teach our children. One often overlooked example is how we treat our significant other. How you treat your significant other teaches your child how to navigate their own relationships as adults. 

I'm happy to see positive instances of the art of teaching by example all around me and find it inspiring. 

Be happy, Be Healthy!

Aysha Hagene, LCPC

www.simplycounseling.com

Giving Back This Holiday Season and Beyond

Giving Back This Holiday Season and Beyond

This holiday season I'm excited about finding new ways to give back now, as well as every other day of the year. I've been thinking about the word generosity. We can be generous with our money, time, or by sharing a smile. A "please", "thank you", or simply holding a door open can make others' days a bit happier. 

We can also give back to our community by volunteering. Volunteering as a family can be a new way to spend time together. It's a great way to learn about social issues and help provide a new perspective on our world. In my last article, I mentioned emphasizing empathy as one of those strategies to ease sibling rivalry. Volunteering teaches social responsibility which can help develop a greater sense of empathy. 

Volunteer activities improves our community and your children can be part of the change. Now, that's just beautiful. I found this link helpful to locate volunteer opportunities in your area. https://volunteer.truist.com/

If you know of any great family volunteer opportunities in the Chicago area, please email me! I'd love to let others know!

Be Happy, Be Healthy!

Aysha Hagene, LCPC

www.simplycounseling.com

Ease Sibling Rivalry

I recently had the pleasure of speaking to a family about how they deal with sibling conflicts. The family wanted me to share that the brother and sister came up with a plan to grab a snack and sit on the couch to "talk it out". I think it's great that they've found their own way to a peaceful discussion. Maybe a plan like that, or your own unique ritual, will help your children manage conflicts not just now but throughout adulthood.

Their story inspired me to share a few tips to help ease sibling rivalry:

1) Have a family meeting to discuss how you are all a team. 

2) Emphasize empathy to help your child understand his/her siblings's experiences.

3) Use a reward system to reinforce positive interactions and teamwork between siblings.

Look for ways to lead by example and give positive feedback whenever possible. The more good experiences they have with one another, the better they will relate.

Be happy, be healthy!

Aysha Hagene, LCPC

www.simplycounseling.com

Create a Family Mission Statement

We come across mission statements In our workplace and businesses that we support. Our family is our most important endeavor so a mission statement seems worth thinking about! I recommend holding a relaxed family meeting with the goal of writing down values. Here are some ways to get started:

1) Start with some questions like "what kind of feeling do we want to have in our home?" and "What are our unique talents and abilities?". 

2) Ensure that everyone in the family has a chance to contribute. It's important that everyone's values are part of the mission statement. 

3) Encourage empathic listening and support everyone's input with positivity. 

Don't pressure yourself to get your statement completed in one day. Some of our best ideas come with time! Once you have it, display it!

Stay healthy and happy!

Aysha Hagene, LCPC

www.simplycounseling.com

Helping your child deal with anger

Parent's Question of the Week:

 How can I help my daughter when she is feeling angry? She can get intensely angry and seems inconsolable. 

Great Question! First of all, I'm proud of you for giving this some thought. It is difficult to watch our kids having a hard time. All you want to do is make it better and this is coming from a place of love. I like to talk about about  anger as a natural emotion rather than a "bad feeling". Bad things sound like something that should be squashed. Let's get anger out in the open by finding a calm time to discuss it with our children and brainstorm ways to manage the feeling. 

Aside from talking about feelings, these ideas help:

-take a calming, deep breath

-get/give a hug

-draw a picture of the anger

-recall a happy memory

-do something that's safely physically active (jumping rope for example)

I'm interested in helping children understand their mind/body connection. Acknowledge what you noticed when your child became angry. "That really got you worked up. I noticed your clenched fists and that your breathing changed." This helps your child learn to self-identify when angry feelings are setting in. I notice that kids who can monitor their feelings have a greater sense of empowerment in this area. 

Aysha Hagene, LCPC

Simply Counseling, LLC

Win the Battle of the Chores!

Ch-ch-chore?

Change the way you think (and your kids think) about chores. Chores help kids prepare to keep an organized home when they are adults. It's a life skill. Think "how can we all be more responsible around the house" rather than focus on the word "chore". 

Go Long. 

Sure, it's easier and faster to get the task completed by yourself but that's the short term goal. The long term goal is to teach them responsibility. Start now, even with the little ones, and encourage them to pitch in. 

Take it easy. 

Old routines take time to change. Add chores, oh, I mean, responsibilities slowly to help your child develop the positive habit. Generally it can take three weeks to get used to a new routine.

Offer Choices

Create a list of responsibilities and allow your children to choose. This way it's more of a collaboration and less of a battle to win in the first place!

Grief after suicide: Chasing the Sunrise

By: Aysha Hagene, LCPC, owner of Simply Counseling, LLC

I am a psychotherapist who provides grief work and I believe creating dialogue is an important part of healing. I want to share with you my personal experience with the grieving process when I lost my mother to suicide. I know that one of the hardest things about grieving the loss of a loved one by suicide is often the feeling of guilt and the sting of stigma associated with suicide.  At times you may wonder whether what you are experiencing is ‘normal'. You might have lots of unanswered questions and wonder if you could have done something to prevent the tragedy.  It is important to take things slowly and pay attention to your inner voice. Listen to your grief. 

Even though, logically, you know your loved one has died, you need time to reconcile what has happened and to work out what is best for you. Unfortunately, at a time when you are likely to be most vulnerable, grieving requires you to become your best advocate by speaking up for what you need.

The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention - http://www.afsp.org/ - hosts an annual Out of the Darkness Overnight Walk which raises funds for research and education on suicide prevention and depression. Most empowering, is that this 18 mile overnight walk helped me to take a bold step in bringing my mother's suicide out of the darkness and into the light. I received support from friends as I shared my story and began the walk after the opening ceremony event at sunset. I walked all night and shared a midnight meal with other survivors experiencing different stages of grief. I created a luminary in honor of my mother and placed the bag with the countless others, lighting a beautiful path. I felt for the first time that I was not alone. When the sun rose, I felt a renewing warmth and gratitude for the sense of closure the walk bestowed upon me. This experience changed my life for the better and I feel inspired to help others and facilitate groups to foster healing in new ways. I no longer chase the sunrise but I'll always be grateful for the journey.