Hope survives

Aysha A. Hagene, a psychotherapist at Simply Counseling in Chicago and Evanston who specializes in depression, anxiety and stress, gets a lot of questions about the series from tweens and teens struggling with some of the same issues as the main character. 

While Hagene acknowledges the show tackled intense content, particularly the unyielding scene as Baker made the choice to live or die, she says the series opens a way for parents and kids to talk about what’s going on in their own lives.

But be prepared to hear about things you don’t want to hear.

Conversations Abound After Watching 13 Reasons Why

I was asked by Chicago Parent to talk about suicide prevention. Thank you for this opportunity. 

 Here’s my response: 

“As a parent, you are going to probably be scared and really react, but I think the best thing is to listen calmly and reflect your teen’s feeling. Keep the teen talking instead of trying to present solutions right away,” she says.

At the same time, be alert for red flags. If they say things like ‘people would be better off without me’ or ‘would anyone even come to my funeral?’, seek professional help, she says. It could mean they are thinking through suicide. 

Hagene, a mom whose own mom committed suicide, knows life can get busy and tweens and teens often choose to keep parents in the dark about their lives. A lot of times, she’s found, kids think parents will make things worse for them.

But she says not to give up.

Plan for one-on-one time—she suggests going for an ice cream or pizza or doing something else they enjoy—just to chat about what’s going on in their lives. 

“Most often, the teen is so glad that the parents took some interest in their lives,” she says. “Just being there to listen is really helpful.”

Or go for a walk together. “Even a 10-minute walk can make a world of difference to your kid.”Once you get them talking about things bothering them, don’t just tell them things will get better. Instead, share your own challenges growing up, (with less detail, of course.) “It let’s them know everyone goes through tough times and gives them hope,” Hagene says.

Get involved in their school, she says. Find out how the school is dealing with bullying and cyberbullying while listening for hints about other issues that may be going on with kids in the school.

Or help them find a safe place to talk and a person they trust outside their friend and family circle. Seeing a therapist is not just for those in crisis. Even the National Suicide Prevention Hotline offers a 24-hour online chat to empower kids going through tough situations, not just those considering suicide.