Helping your child deal with anger

Parent's Question of the Week:

 How can I help my daughter when she is feeling angry? She can get intensely angry and seems inconsolable. 

Great Question! First of all, I'm proud of you for giving this some thought. It is difficult to watch our kids having a hard time. All you want to do is make it better and this is coming from a place of love. I like to talk about about  anger as a natural emotion rather than a "bad feeling". Bad things sound like something that should be squashed. Let's get anger out in the open by finding a calm time to discuss it with our children and brainstorm ways to manage the feeling. 

Aside from talking about feelings, these ideas help:

-take a calming, deep breath

-get/give a hug

-draw a picture of the anger

-recall a happy memory

-do something that's safely physically active (jumping rope for example)

I'm interested in helping children understand their mind/body connection. Acknowledge what you noticed when your child became angry. "That really got you worked up. I noticed your clenched fists and that your breathing changed." This helps your child learn to self-identify when angry feelings are setting in. I notice that kids who can monitor their feelings have a greater sense of empowerment in this area. 

Aysha Hagene, LCPC

Simply Counseling, LLC

Win the Battle of the Chores!

Ch-ch-chore?

Change the way you think (and your kids think) about chores. Chores help kids prepare to keep an organized home when they are adults. It's a life skill. Think "how can we all be more responsible around the house" rather than focus on the word "chore". 

Go Long. 

Sure, it's easier and faster to get the task completed by yourself but that's the short term goal. The long term goal is to teach them responsibility. Start now, even with the little ones, and encourage them to pitch in. 

Take it easy. 

Old routines take time to change. Add chores, oh, I mean, responsibilities slowly to help your child develop the positive habit. Generally it can take three weeks to get used to a new routine.

Offer Choices

Create a list of responsibilities and allow your children to choose. This way it's more of a collaboration and less of a battle to win in the first place!