Create a Family Mission Statement

We come across mission statements In our workplace and businesses that we support. Our family is our most important endeavor so a mission statement seems worth thinking about! I recommend holding a relaxed family meeting with the goal of writing down values. Here are some ways to get started:

1) Start with some questions like "what kind of feeling do we want to have in our home?" and "What are our unique talents and abilities?". 

2) Ensure that everyone in the family has a chance to contribute. It's important that everyone's values are part of the mission statement. 

3) Encourage empathic listening and support everyone's input with positivity. 

Don't pressure yourself to get your statement completed in one day. Some of our best ideas come with time! Once you have it, display it!

Stay healthy and happy!

Aysha Hagene, LCPC

www.simplycounseling.com

Helping your child deal with anger

Parent's Question of the Week:

 How can I help my daughter when she is feeling angry? She can get intensely angry and seems inconsolable. 

Great Question! First of all, I'm proud of you for giving this some thought. It is difficult to watch our kids having a hard time. All you want to do is make it better and this is coming from a place of love. I like to talk about about  anger as a natural emotion rather than a "bad feeling". Bad things sound like something that should be squashed. Let's get anger out in the open by finding a calm time to discuss it with our children and brainstorm ways to manage the feeling. 

Aside from talking about feelings, these ideas help:

-take a calming, deep breath

-get/give a hug

-draw a picture of the anger

-recall a happy memory

-do something that's safely physically active (jumping rope for example)

I'm interested in helping children understand their mind/body connection. Acknowledge what you noticed when your child became angry. "That really got you worked up. I noticed your clenched fists and that your breathing changed." This helps your child learn to self-identify when angry feelings are setting in. I notice that kids who can monitor their feelings have a greater sense of empowerment in this area. 

Aysha Hagene, LCPC

Simply Counseling, LLC

Win the Battle of the Chores!

Ch-ch-chore?

Change the way you think (and your kids think) about chores. Chores help kids prepare to keep an organized home when they are adults. It's a life skill. Think "how can we all be more responsible around the house" rather than focus on the word "chore". 

Go Long. 

Sure, it's easier and faster to get the task completed by yourself but that's the short term goal. The long term goal is to teach them responsibility. Start now, even with the little ones, and encourage them to pitch in. 

Take it easy. 

Old routines take time to change. Add chores, oh, I mean, responsibilities slowly to help your child develop the positive habit. Generally it can take three weeks to get used to a new routine.

Offer Choices

Create a list of responsibilities and allow your children to choose. This way it's more of a collaboration and less of a battle to win in the first place!

Grief after suicide: Chasing the Sunrise

By: Aysha Hagene, LCPC, owner of Simply Counseling, LLC

I am a psychotherapist who provides grief work and I believe creating dialogue is an important part of healing. I want to share with you my personal experience with the grieving process when I lost my mother to suicide. I know that one of the hardest things about grieving the loss of a loved one by suicide is often the feeling of guilt and the sting of stigma associated with suicide.  At times you may wonder whether what you are experiencing is ‘normal'. You might have lots of unanswered questions and wonder if you could have done something to prevent the tragedy.  It is important to take things slowly and pay attention to your inner voice. Listen to your grief. 

Even though, logically, you know your loved one has died, you need time to reconcile what has happened and to work out what is best for you. Unfortunately, at a time when you are likely to be most vulnerable, grieving requires you to become your best advocate by speaking up for what you need.

The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention - http://www.afsp.org/ - hosts an annual Out of the Darkness Overnight Walk which raises funds for research and education on suicide prevention and depression. Most empowering, is that this 18 mile overnight walk helped me to take a bold step in bringing my mother's suicide out of the darkness and into the light. I received support from friends as I shared my story and began the walk after the opening ceremony event at sunset. I walked all night and shared a midnight meal with other survivors experiencing different stages of grief. I created a luminary in honor of my mother and placed the bag with the countless others, lighting a beautiful path. I felt for the first time that I was not alone. When the sun rose, I felt a renewing warmth and gratitude for the sense of closure the walk bestowed upon me. This experience changed my life for the better and I feel inspired to help others and facilitate groups to foster healing in new ways. I no longer chase the sunrise but I'll always be grateful for the journey.

What is the sound of your music?

What is the sound of your music? 

               What is the sound of your music? An introduction to Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy

You have the power to feel more positive right now. As a holistic, mind-body centered psychotherapist I help people to find the connection between their thoughts and feelings through educational exercises. Cognitive-Behavioral therapy is an excellent brief therapy approach that has helped a great number of my clients achieve a happier state of wellbeing. We begin with a collaborative process in which I listen to help you identify goals. I then teach and encourage you to obtain your goals while you express and implement change. Goal achievement can happen quickly if you practice techniques between sessions. I would like to share an important CBT technique that you can use immediately to experience an increase in self-acceptance.

I encourage you to think about your voice as an extension of your feelings. How do you sound when you are feeling happy, angry, or sad? You notice a different pitch, don't you? Now focus on your thought voice. Sometimes that angry or sad tone can resonate in our own mind and can take its toll. I would like to help you find freedom from that energy drain. Our thoughts can take on a persona of its own and keep you from living the happy life you deserve. I believe that you have the ability to take care of yourself better by setting your thought voice to that of a soothing and nurturing tone. It's a bit humorous to state, "You're not good enough" in a warm, kind tone. Try it and see. Think of your thought voice as your music and set it to the station that always plays calming, loving, and peaceful melodies. This awareness will help you to a path of better self-acceptance so that you can become less self-critical. 

Chicago Inspired Art Therapy

Sometimes words do not fully capture what we need to express. Creating art can help you open doors into a new perspective. Here is some work that a wonderful client of mine wanted to share. I hope that it inspires you. We all love Chicago, don't we? Art can be a simple expression of love.

Art Therapy:Healing and Transformation at Simply Counseling

Art Therapy: Healing and Transformation by  Aysha Ali Hagene, MA, LCPC Simply Counseling I am grateful to have the opportunity to inspire others to create happier lives through traditional talk therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, and many other therapeutic modalities. Throughout my decade of providing counseling as an expressive arts therapist I am asked most often, "What is Art Therapy?". I encourage a client's creative process through art, play, music, drama, and photography so that stress is better managed, sense of self is strengthened, insight is discovered, and transformation begins. Expressive art therapy is a powerful mind-body intervention that I find eases physiological and psychological symptoms. A helpful example to answer "What is Art Therapy?" is when I provided art therapy to assist a client, (who agreed to share her story under the name Karen), who was suffering from panic attacks and anxiety. Within a session, we focused on themes through art such as grief and loss, new beginnings, dreams, or fears. Creating art helped Karen to externalize emotions that were stuck inside and enabled us to look at the content on paper. Karen shared that after our art therapy work whenever she would think of the traumatic memory that we addressed she would see the art in her mind rather than the disturbing images she held for years. Expressing trauma on paper through art therapy can make the experience feel more external thus giving you greater strength to heal and transform. My philosophy toward healing and transformation is that we can't change what has happened to us but we can change the way we think about it. Expressive Art Therapy is a powerful tool that helps connect inside thoughts, feelings, and perceptions with outer reality so that we may think and act in more empowered ways. I encourage you to embrace new expression to find the healing and transformation that will lead you to a happier life. Aysha Ali Hagene, LCPC, MA, owner and lead psychotherapist of Simply Counseling. Trained at Northwestern University. Psychotherapist with more than 12 years of experience providing healing to children, adults, and couples. She can be reached at 773.966.9363 or click here to email for further information about Aysha's healing work.